


I don't wanna be alive

by The_sinner_of_the_sinners



Category: Planes (Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 16:19:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17563862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_sinner_of_the_sinners/pseuds/The_sinner_of_the_sinners
Summary: His mind blurred from his thoughts. However, It didn't matter...it never did.walking on the building's roof, having his feet naked, allowed him sense the coldness from the ground with any single step. The wind was dancing with his tangerine hair, letting them not choice but to follow its lead. In this last dance.





	1. I don't wanna be alive

It had been two years since the day, Dusty, had earned a place as the first crop-duster racer in history. In two whole years, he had managed not only to proved to people what he was a real racer, but also what everyone ought not to be limited due to its building. The young man had went through many hardships to even make himself realized this. And now he knew what he was. He was something more than that he was build for.

Or so he thought. Something deep inside him had awaken in these two years. Perhaps, he was wrong, it always had been there. Yet, he never let himself acknowledged these feelings and instead he ignored all of them. It wasn't the most recommended salvation in this case, however, it was still effective. Hiding faces behind masks, prevents someone from looking the other's faces, which sometimes is linked with his identity.

Thinking about it, Dusty, ordered his body to move off his bed. It was already five, this meant that a certain someone would soon or later appeared at his door. No matter what, the young man had no energy to do his daily routine, his mind only wished for him to go to sleep. Taking a break from his thoughts a little. Of course, logical speaking that would be a miracle in this situation, neither the weather nor his mentor would prevent him from his training. 

His heart rate increased at the thought of his mentor. Skipper was not dumb, if Dusty suddenly requested him, to skip the training for no special reason, the old man would definitely sense what something didn't fit in place. As a conclusion, there is no doubt that he would researched answers from the young man, if he denied giving any to him, Skipper would certainly turned to others, meaning what this absolutely will be a terrible scenario.

When the next move for Dusty seemed to be only one. He had to to wear a mask. It wasn't the first time for him playing this role, but it never was his favorable one. Moreover, seeing where this situation leaded him, it was the only obvious salvation. And the only way that could help him avoid worrying others and any possible criticism.

A baritone voice echoed in his hangar. separating him from thoughts and bringing him back to reality. He quickly prepared for his training and went outside to met his coach.  
Slowly painting one of the most realistic smiles on his face.

"Hey, kid! Ready for some training today!" Skipper, the old navy, said with a gently tone in his voice.

"Yes, Skip, as usual!" Dusty said returning a warm smile to his friend.

"Then let's go, Sparky, plans to do a check up on me today, after we finish the training you are free!" Skipper informed the young racer, while he was leading his way on the runway.  
______________________

The training last for three hours, Skipper had gone to his hangar where Sparky had been waiting for him and Dusty was free for the rest of the day. Without a second thought, the red-haired male, went to his home. Having nothing else in his mind than taking some rest from the outside world. Hoping for his friends to be busy and leave him alone for just one day.

By the time he arrived at his house, it was about 10 o'clock. A gurgling sound came from his stomach, as an certain sign of hunger. The young man, went to his kitchen picking a random snack to cover recently his need for food. It couldn't escaped from his attention his body's messy state. Both his clothes and skin had found company with the dirt. It wasn't dry, so it probably was the best time for him to take a bath.

Preparing the water and making sure the temperature was ideal. He slowly and carefully took off his dirty clothes. His skin revealed in his own eyes, creating a variety of feelings and thoughts. He couldn't stop looking at that one spot on his wrist. The scars and the dried blood on them was a disgusting sight. The pain on his abused skin, fortunately had reduced. However some warm water would numb any existing pain. At least physically.

The water swallowed his abused body, letting his stress be released in it. Two hands caressed and cleaned the body, which they worshiped. In every soothing touch on his body, a small shiver escaped. Within a few moments, he had properly get rid of any dirt. With a steady movement he get off the bathtub and wrapped up a towel on him, the same way a snake coils its dinner.

A foot stepped in front of the other, leading its owner to a small mirror over the white washbasin. The young man, lazily looked at his reflection. Noticing every single feature on his face. All of them had an oddly sight similar to the symbols used by painters in their art. Strange symmetrical or unsymmetrical shapes to described either feeling or thoughts. Our faces is an art made to reveal ourselves to the others.

Not even a minute could barely pass and Dusty took his eyes away from this image. His eyes fell on his razor blade and suddenly a sinful urged coiled him. The intense silence in the room were the only thing escaping from the war within his mind. But in the end only the stronger will win the war. His hand slowly approached the razor blade, and while grabbing it he placed it over his left wrist. Ready to receive his punishment.  
_________________

The sun was about to set and thankfully no one appeared to be in need for Dusty, so he had a whole evening to himself. The young male, all dressed up, was resting on his bed. He had some covers over him for comfort and he was holding in his hand his mobile phone, to keep him company.

Dusty mentally agreed with himself that it would be better to distract himself, from his thoughts a little. A sudden pain yelled from his body. Causing him to look for the harm. Only to face a rather disappointing and horrible sight. His wrist was exposed in his eyes. Every fresh small scar on his skin had being decorate with a rose-red color. The young man caressed with his other hand the abused spot, gaining a new wave of pain in every sooth movement.

A sudden notification from his phone stole his attention. It was a message from Zed. Zed and Dusty normally wouldn't get along with each other, because of Dusty's rivalry with Ripslinger. However, one time when Ripslinger was no around, Dusty happened to talk with Zed and found a company in him. Of course because of the back story he and his brother had with the young racer, Dusty didn't allow himself to get close. 

«Heyyy! It's been a long time how are you?» 

«I'm fine. And it haven't been a long time, we chatted last week.» Dusty texted reluctantly .

«I know, but I missed ya!» Zed responded.

«Well that's your problem, I guess.» 

«Wow, why you are so mean! I just want to talk with you! :(» 

«Ha...ha, be honest you don't give a damn about me, so why should I be kind to you.»

«Look, I know that why you distrust me, and I understand! I don't ask you to trust me, just like you don't ask me to trust you. But you have to understand that people is not often that they seem to others.»

Dusty paused for a moment to think. He knew that Zed was right. Indeed, this was the second time Zed had told him that. However, he was afraid. He didn't want to talk to him more. But something inside him, attracted him to the idea of asking him for help. He knew that it was risky talking to him. Yet, he remember one time that Dusty had seen the fellow racer alone in a park after a heated argument with his brother and boss, and Dusty was the only one who he could leaned to. It was a night with a lot of tears and screams that Dusty had to put up with. Suddenly a message delivered. Dusty turned his eyes to read it.

«I get that you are in bad mood and you don't want to talk to me, but if there is something I can do, I would like you to tell me! »

He stared for a moment at that comment, and surprisingly his urge to asked him for help increased. Out of all this, telling to Zed wasn't right, on the other hand telling to the others would bring a mess.

«Zed, mind if I tell you something. But I don't want anybody else than you to know about it.»

« Got it. Wait.» after that Zed was offline for few minutes.

«OK, I'm here! :)» Zed was online again.

«Were you've been?»

«I'm outside, making sure that no one will see the texts, and if boss catch me talking to you, he will kill me in place.😥»

«Ah, right Rip...»

«U want to keep texting me or call me?»

Dusty considering the fact that he was about to cry, he choose to keep texting. «Let's keep it like this.»

A picture of Zed being in a park was sent. With a message saying «In case you don't believe me »

«Ok, get it. I will tell you.»

«Yeah!!!»

«I need help...»

«I'm listening.»

The young man sighed before he started typing.  
«I said to you earlier that I am fine...but I am not fine. In this year, I have been feeling so down, I've been trying all along to hide and forget these thoughts and feelings, I managed pretty well by this far, but in the end, I end up a liar not only to myself about also to the people I love. I didn't ask for it, but I wasn't strong enough to tell them the truth. And as result of my weakness I punished myself...»

«Dusty...what happen?»

«I don't know...it was just a result I guess...»

«Dusty, what you've done.»

He felt his hot tear filling his eyes at this question. A sigh escaped from his lips and he moved his phone to take a picture of his wrist. When the subject he had sent was delivered to the other. The reaction he received was the expected one. Many messages at the same time repeating particular phrases.

«DUDE!?»  
«NO»  
«No»  
«NOoo, Dude...why?»  
«Why you've done this to yourself?!»

«I don't know....I just did it.»

«Farmer, that's not an answer! Why you've done this? »

«I ... Just wanted to remember...»

«Remember what?»

«How it is to feel again.»

«How long you've been doing this?»

«I'm not sure about three months or so...»

«That's insane! You should talk to your friends, you know!?»

«No, no if they found out, I won't forgive myself for letting this happen!»

« I'm not the right person to give you help and you know it, farmer. But if I am to say something, then harming yourself won't solve anything, Just try to fight this urge or distract yourself with something else whenever you feel like harming yourself.»

« I'll try.»

«It might seem hypocritical, but it is the only chance that I will ever get to tell you. No matter what I have done to you, deep down I know that you are a worthy champion and have accept it.»

«Thank you...»  
______________________

After all this talk both of them decided to end this conversation for good. Zed took his way home. The time was 7 P.M. he had only been praying for Ripslinger to not have notice his sudden absence. Plus today it was Sunday, which is the day the famous racer was dealing with all the important pendings relating to team RPX. Concluding this Ripslinger would probably return by 11 or 12, so he had plenty of time to arrive at his place and nobody notice.

Soon he approached his place. The short man rushed to find his key ad unlock the door. When he did, he crossed the apartment to his room. Seeing no one was anywhere to be found. He entered his room and spend the rest of his day there.  
________________

Few days after the conversation, Dusty continued live normally pretending that nothing special happened. Zed had been trying to communicate with him waiting for updates, but they were worthless efforts, since the young man had being distant with him lately. Meanwhile, Dusty keep hiding anything from the others, he often covered the truth through silly jokes, wishing just to have fun with his friends. And somehow forget about his problems.

"Dusty, are you okay? You look skeptic." Dottie's caring tone, was an unusual sound to his ears, yet, he always enjoyed when that side of Dottie was exposed to him.

"Nothing serious, really...just random thoughts!" he answered with a wide grin on his face. Predicting that Dottie would still ask him more, he thoughtfully planned his moves in advances.

"What thoughts?" 

"Some silly ones." he stated looking up to the sky still wearing a warm smile on his face.

Dottie stepped outside of the Shop to see what Dusty meant. The young man was sitting on a chair, gazing the blue sky like a child waiting to see a rainbow, only to be disappointed to find out that rainbows occurs in rainy weather.

"What silly thoughts?" she inquired this time more curious than she attempted.

"About mantis... are they committing suicide or just getting murdered?"

"What?!" the purple-haired woman said confused.

"I warned you!" he teased her hoping she would just walk away, when she didn't, he knew that he had to give her an explanation. " what I meant is when a male falls in love with a female, after mating the female eats its head. Which is expected. So practical it is murdered. But what if the male knows the dangers and still does anything for the sake love? Is this considered murder? It looks more like a suicide to me. Knowing all the dangers but still going, accepting their fate and not fighting. Not because they are weak, but because they are meant to end like this, being killed by their mate..." after a pause Dusty added "So it is a suicide that appears as murder or perhaps sometimes a murder that appears as suicide."

Dottie remained silent, wearing a confused expression on her face. No word found to described her thoughts. The only way to express them were through an astonished gaze. 

"Never mind that." Dusty broke the silence still keeping the same smile he had earlier. Chug approached both of them at this moment.

"Hey, guys! Did I lost anything important?" he asked lifting his eyebrow.

"Dusty was telling me some random thoughts of his." Dottie informed thee plummy man.

"What kind of thoughts?" he turned his light brown eyes on Dusty.

"The kind of: are lobsters mermaids to scorpions?" the red-haired man answered with a ridiculous face, gaining a heart warming laugh from both Dottie and Chug.

"Okay, enough time of joking, now both of you came in, I've made brownies! Your favorite Dusty!" the young woman stated and all of them crossed the way to her shop.  
___________________

After finishing Dottie's delicious home made brownies, the red-haired man took his way home. And now he was resting on his couch watching TV. His blue eyes appeared uninterested staring at the news portrayed on TV. So, he slowly laid down waiting to lost his consciousness. A heaviness knocked his body with every breath of his. Both of his eyelids covered his eyes letting enough exposed space to move his eyeballs.

Suddenly, the young man , heard something from the TV. If his hearing sense was still in place, he had heard a reference to his name. Dusty paid attention on the news and it seemed right, someone called his name and it was no other than--

«Ripslinger, we are connecting with you.» a blond-haired lady said. Then the dark haired man wearing his casual fancy clothes and his favorite orange sunglasses seemed to connecting with the female reporter.

« I connected with you. » he stated with his usual confident tone.

« So, Mr Ripslinger, yesterday you stated to an outside reporter when he asked you in an interview, ' how are you viewing Dusty Crophopper after two years since his first race and won in WATG rally?' And you responded 'I normally would hate him, but now I kind of pity him, knowing his state.' And when the reported asked you what you meant you answered with ' That's not the right place to discuss this.' So, what actually you know that we don't? » finishing her question, Ripslinger took the lead in the conversation.

« Well, It's a rather sensitive subject for anyone, I guess.» he combined his words with a honeyed tone, which made Dusty cringed. He tried to focus as he watched Ripslinger continued his speech. 

« I cannot find the right words to described my thoughts and feelings on that Dusty goes through. » I'm pretty sure if you had paid attention to English lesson at school you would...Dusty mentally commented on this statement.

« ...But I know that It should have been expected after all. Being a racer and also a famous one, requires a lot of work and time. In the end, the pressure and anxiety every day leads to unreasonable actions if you are unable to control it. Unfortunately many of us can't dealt with it and it seems that Dusty is not an exception!»

«Are you saying that Mr Crophopper has been under circumstances that affecting his actions or thoughts?» the blond woman asked raising an eyebrow.

«Actually it is better to show you than tell you, I can display some photos of his!» The woman allowed this happened and that moment Dusty felt his legs go numb. The photos were exposed to the public view. The young man couldn't believe that he just witnessed. He felt multiple waves of unexpected feelings hitting him at once. Each one let his body more shaken. His eyes were widen at the sight of two photos presenting his abused wrist. Both of them were exposed without any legal right in the public. And the worst part, he couldn't do anything to prevent this, the damaged already has been done, there was no reversed in this now.

« I don't want to be the "bad" one, but I have to be honest, Dusty from the day I met him was a very good guy, yet he was always stuck in his head, I tried to bring him back to earth many times but he never listened to me, even after anything good done by me for him wasn't enough. I only wanted to help and he rejected my offer. In the end, when someone gives you help, you don't throw the offering as if it was worthless trash, do you? If you you do, it's not because you are depressed, it's because you put your ego over everyone, implying by this action your superiority. It's a pity...just pity for him--» Dusty turned off the TV , having heard enough of his speech. He knew all this was Ripslinger tactics in manipulation. He planned to twist Dusty's image by making himself look like the 'good' one.  
____________________

Meanwhile, the tall dark-haired had finished his 'play' in this interview. Ending the connection keeping one of his most satisfied smile. He was proud of himself for managing to sent despair to his rival and gave punishment...

He turned his olive eyes to the short man wearing a race uniform with the number 0#. He was leaning his back on the wall and staring to the ground refusing to do any eye contact.

"Next time I catch you chatting with the farmer, you and your brother are fired." his boss declared, while shutting the laptop he was holding. Ned gazed his brother with a saddened look but said nothing. Then Ripslinger went to his room followed by Ned. Zed remained still, thinking about anything that happened and wishing for Dusty to forgive him for his fault.  
_________________ ___

His mind blurred from his thoughts. However, It didn't matter...it never did.

walking on the building's roof, having his feet naked, allowed him sense the coldness from the ground with any single step. The wind was dancing with his tangerine hair, letting them not choice but to follow its lead. In this last dance. Then he finally reached the end, he took a moment to close his eyes trying to trap all the unshed tears in, and after a few breaths. He was ready. Slowly leaning to the space, hoping gravity would do its job without any exception...


	2. Chapter 2

He suddenly woke up, realizing he had been dreaming all along and the whole scenery, he just saw, was nothing more than the random images from his submissions mind. Nothing more...he repeated under his breath again and again. Few moments passed by, and Dusty, remembered Ripslinger telling in the interview his secret.

The realization hit him like a bomb, his mind conisidered all the possible scenarios. The truth had been told.  Worse exposed to the public. What everyone would think about him? What his fans would think about him? What his friends would think about him? This was the worst scenario...  
It was all his fault for being such an idiot, and asking help out of despair from no other than his rival's minion, what he should have expected, after all?

But, he was scared and ashamed of everything he had done. How could he face his friends, after all the lies he had told them. How could he reveal to them all his thoughts, feelings, insecurities without being criticized by them? Specially by Skipper, how would a veteran of the WW ll react to him, being exposed and survived a much crueler world than him. A life that he never could even imagine. Would he take him seriously? In the other hand, would ever Dottie and Chug forgive what he never told them?

He hated himself for being so weak. The urge to cry and let out his pain was huge, even though he denied allowing his tears escape from his eyes. If he did cry, he would acknowledged to himself his incapablity and this were the last thing he desired now. All his thoughts were unraveling in his head painting a new sinful desire.

A sudden ringing sound managed to broke, this shaken contact with his inner world. He searched the sound. Only to find a notification on his phone. Zed seemed to had sent him, his apologies. The young man maintained a neutral behavior towards him. He decided to neither pacify nor forgive zed's actions out of pity. Dusty found no interest into wasting time on zed or bringing him to trial. He didn't want to listen to him trying to establish his innocent, even if it was valid.

He didn't care anymore...

Unexpectedly, an sudden urge lured him, his heart started pounding, while his mind collected his thoughts, regarding that out of all of them he had found only one solution. For the rest of the part, he didn't think, he didn't talk, he just did everything automatically. The same way a soldier accept and did every single order from his superiors without questioning. The red-haired man turned off his mobile phone and merely shoved it, in a drawer near. Before going to his door and leave his house for sure a long time....

______________________

"SKIPPER! PLEASE GET OUT!" Dottie knocked the wodden door as fast as she could. Skipper opened the door quickly, having unintentionally a confused expression all over his face.

"Dottie? What happened?" Instead of an answear she lowered her head causing herself to look down on the ground, tears threatened to fell and she was shivering.

"Dottie, what happened?" the question came out wrapped in a gently tone. Not plotting to make things worse.

"Dusty...." She let this word came out, the brittle tone in her voice hinted something bad had happened. The old man took her in his hangar, as an endeavor to reduce her stress and having her calm for a while. After that episode, he would try getting the information she had to offer. He had happened to have prepared tea, seing no harm, he served her a cup. When she took the offer, a sudden question had being told "You saw the interview, right?" 

"Yes...it is truth?" He asked not hiding a small hope for things being proved otherwise.

"...I don't know...Chug is going to Dusty's house, now, to talk to Dusty and confirm the news otherwise." She stated exhausted.

"It could be another trick of Ripslinger's." he assumed.

"I hope so..." she allowed a silent sigh out "You know, I always was afraid of this, especial, because I saw him once, having scars before..."

"When?!" he sounded more upset than he attempted to.

"It had happened, after the qualifiers. One day he came for check up to me, and I saw it, when I asked him what it is, he told me an awful excuse and I told him, I didn't want to see those scars again on his hands." 

Skipper remained silent. Being informed what his student had done such thing in the past. Remembering that back then he couldn't have done or do anything to help the young man, and if the things had remained the same. The old veteran was concerted, what he wouldn't do anything to prevent him, from commiting such an unaccetped action to himself. However, thanks to Dusty, the old guy is where he is now and some old wounds that took years to heal, were healed in months thanks to this kid. He owed him his life to him. If not for him, the old veteran would probably die and being remember as a grumpy old man who lied to everyone...and nothing more. Opening his lips, about to perform words, only to be interrupted by the ringing sound of Dottie's phone. The old man closed his mouth, remaining silent as the young woman answered his phone.

"Yes..." after a small tense pause Dottie exclaimed "WHAT!? Where is he!?"The Veteran could feel his heart pounding agonizing. Still trying to tame his alarmed thoughts, in an effort to convince himself, everything would be alright. When finally Dottie ended the call, he prepared himself to be ready to any kind possibility, he was about to hear.

"It was Chug, Dusty is missing!" Desperately she stood up, giving emphasis to her recent state. "Oh my gosh...Skipper we need to find him!" he nodded at this statement.

"Call Chug! Tell him to find Sparky and search with you the city. I'll be flying above, searching the suburbs! If you find anything radio to me!" he commanded and immediately walk across to the runway. Transforming to his corsair-F4 form, he took off and went for search in the sky.

_________________________

Ten minutes searching seemed like hours. No one had radio-ed with Skipper and he continued looking for his charge. Suddenly someone radioed him. He radioed back with hopes he would listen to something good.

"Skipper, are you coping me?" It was Sparky.

"I'm coping you."

"You found anything?"

"No, I guess you guys didn't to...?"

"No we didn't...we tried to call him, but he left his phone in his room. Skipper, do you think he ..." he left the rest of his statement unspoken, not wishing to spread any further despair.

"Let's not jump in conclusions." he made an effort to sound flat as he responded. He had to be strong and keep himself calm. If he wasn't no one would be so.

"...We'll search more." saying this he ended the call. And Skipper went back to searching. 

The veteran flood over the corn fields. The same ones Dusty used to spray everyday back then. The young man hated doing it so much, but whenever he was sad or upset he used to spraying the corn fields. Maybe as a break from everything or as a way to disturbed himself from his thoughts. When Dusty was younger, Skipper remembered, he had seen him, sometimes hanging out near the river. He often preferred this place, due to its isolating atmosphere. Can it be...? He wondered, then he flaw closer to the river, trying to spot the young man. Everything seemed  lifeless, the Propwash Junction was known for its geographical relief. The cliffs and the deep river weren't as terrible as the frequent storms and tornadoes in the winter. However, many people had lost their life in this river due to it's depth and currents in particular areas. 

I hope he won't do something dangerous...

As soon as he approached to the cliffs, and his visibility was way more apparent. His heart and mind freeze for a second before consciousless landing to the ground, as fast as he could on a particular place. The old veteran, transformed to his human form and ran close to a young man near the end  of the cliff.

"DUSTY STOP!" Skipper didn't realized he had been screaming until he saw young man shaking. His charge turned to face him, a sorrowful expression, which stroke his mentor's heart. Just why...

" Dusty, please listen to me you don't wanna do this." he tried to suppressed his fear, and now everything was matter of choice, it felt like some kind of video game, if you choose something wrong, it will effect the plot and the consequences of it. He had to be extra careful.

"Please come here and let's talk." every word that was meant to escape his lips, had to be wrapped with gentelness and calmness.

" Sorry, Skipper, but I'm not interesting in talking anymore..."  Dusty's pain in his voice was one of the things skipper wasn't used to hear.

"Please, I know what everything now seems like a mess, but you can't just do that!" he felt some drops in his head, raising his eyes only to face a cloudy weather about to rain. Perfect...

"It is mess, everything end up like this because of me...did you see the interview?"  he hated hearing the young red haired man using that brittle voice.

" ...I saw the interview, however this doesn't matter now! What it matters is you! Me, Dottie, chug and Sparky have been searching for an hour for you!" the old veteran informed the young racer about the recent state of his friends after his actions.

"I know, I caused you trouble...I shouldn't be stupid and text those photos of me. If only I could reverse time..." he let out a small sob at his own statement.

" ...Dusty, why didn't you tell us anything?" the question echoed and the sound of rain now joined them.

"Tell you what?! That I'm not fine?! That for months now feel like dying?! Every night I cried myself to sleep and every morning...when I wake up..." his tears were no longer visible due to the rain, yet every word spoken was filled with tears, "I break down in tears, because I realize, I'm still alive..."

Skipper remained silent, he never believed or even have clue what his charge was going through, "..."

"I know, I shouldn't be complaining when people out there have it worse than me... but what should I do? When everything seems like hell to me and no one will be able to understand..." Dusty paused to take a breath, closing tightly his eyes as he did, only to open them again when he continued  "It always has for someone to have it worse, so people can actually be able to acknowledged him?! If that is so then guess what: not all wounds are visible!" suddenly a pitiful laugh accompanied his sods, "Maybe people can't understand because I can't show them what it's like to be in my place...I never will be able to..." at this point he lowered his crying face but the sound of rain wasn't enough to cover his pained sod and whimpers. Skipper understood what his charge was talking about, he knew what it was like to be trapped in your own mind, he had experienced such thing in the past and he felt like this was the actual definition of hell...

" Kid, listen, I know what everything right now seems like a hell, I won't lie about it, no matter how painful it is no one will be able to understand your pain, because no on will be able to feel your pain just like you do. However that doesn't meant we won't care about you and try to help you out of this misery." he took one step closer to the desperate young man, not close enough...

"... You don't get it, now everything is exposed on internet and everyone can see the mess what I am, everyone will be able to criticize me! My family, my fans, my friends...even you will...it feels like I am own my on, on this mess and EVERYBODY SEEMS TO BE AGAINST ME!" he yelled the last part, a high pitched scream came through his tears.

"Do you believe in this really?" his mentor voice carried a softness in his voice what almost made Dusty regretted saying that. "Dusty, you are a famous racer who was able to earn the beliefs of many people in the whole world, and pay forward things no one else would try, if you didn't break the 'rules'.  So do you believe what after all these two year, your real fans will criticize you for something like this? Neither your fans nor your family will criticize you." he took another step "...and you know why? Its because they care about you and this won't change." he attempted to come even closer to the young man."What about us, do you think we don't care? Dusty if it weren't for you I'll never would be able to fly again. Dottie told me what when she saw you having scars on your own, she freaked out, yet she was the first one to knock my door and call me for help. When chug heard the new he immediately went straight to your house to find you, he Dottie and Sparky now are searching for you in the whole town. Do you think we don't care?"

"..."

"You said that people will think you haven't as worst as others. Wanna now something in my opinion everyone duels with different situations, but it doesn't matter how difficult the situation it is. What's matters is if you are able to face this situations. You are right not every wound is visible to everyone, in spite of that it doesn't always has to be visible everyone, it has to the people what even when they cannot see them will try their best to. because they care about you and, when you are down in the ground they will help you stand up." Skipper approached the young man in the ideal distance offering his hand to the young man. Dusty stared at the hand doubtful.

"You are the reason I finally can live my life, If I lost you too, I have no reason to be alive." Skipper was in the point of having tears in his as he said the last sentence, " I don't want to see another excellent student who has so much to give in the future die before my eyes again." tears crossed his cheeks.

Dusty expression was painted all over the negative emotions. Sorrow, misery, doubts, fear. Skipper could read every single emotion on his face, and for one second he concluded the worst, however this conclusion remained as an possible scenario when he saw his students eyes. There was something the old veteran could recognize no matter how difficult it was to be seen, there was a certain emotion in his eyes, hope!

The young man had no words, his tangerine wet hair from the rain had stuck to his forehead. Blue eyes remained still, not daring to move away from the other man. Everything he said to him, was more than just sentence and words. The younger men took in and consider everything from the start. A memory of his friends and him flashed before his eyes. It was the day he had won the WATG rally. This memory appeared like a paint, consisting the most unrelated colors in one paper, giving this oddly satisfying feeling he hadn't got used to. His heart pounded in joy and hope. His eyes traveled down to Skipper's offering hand and then again back to his face. Reading his expressions, all this muscularity and apathy in his face had being lost long ago, and  you could said what he had an expression similar to these of a child begging its parent to not harm it. 

" I messed up everything...caused you pain..." he tempted to not let any more tear crossed his cheeks, only to coil his voice with a rather high pitched tone than he attempted, "How can I fix this?"

"It can be fixed! That's why I am here, to help you fix this end remind you that there is an exist from this mess, which is worth living for! You can't be free if you don't break your chains of your own slavery! Dusty, you are rebel, you proved everyone otherwise back then in the WATG, prove to your own thought, your demons, what you can live! Because you can! don't let anyone else pulling your own strings! Life is yours and you have a lot to give..."

Dusty took one breath and he took skippers hand. Skipped pulled him close and embraced his charge to a tight hug. He couldn't fight it anymore the older man broke down in tears and the younger one followed his lead. Both of them let their fears out and made promises, which no one should break. 

As the rain stopped both Dusty and Skipper went back to town. They visited Dottie's shop where every one sitting there patiently. Noticing Dusty arriving to the Shop everybody raced to him and gave him a hug. Tears, worries, fears were replace now by the relief by the voice of their finally found friend. This night must be one of the most terrifying yet full of love and hope for their friend... for their family. 

**Author's Note:**

> Stay tuned for the second and last chapter! The next sunday.


End file.
